I Forgive You, But It Still Hurts

We all make mistakes.  We commit harm to ourselves or others, sometimes before we even realize what we are doing.  We offer our apologies, duck our head for awhile, but eventually move on, having learned from our mistakes.   Who hasn't told a lie, cheated on a test, or hurt someone's feelings?  We all have.

Mistakes are two sided.  Those who make them and those who are affected by them.  We've all been on both sides, haven't we?  I'm not sure which side is preferable, for both sides suffer to some extent.  It's easy to say you'd rather not be the one making the mistake.  Who wants to be the one screwing up all the time?  Not me.  But then you're stuck being on the receiving end of a mistake.  And some of those mistakes hurt.  Badly.

Clay Crosse, the Christian singer who gained popularity a decade ago, and his wife recently published a book about his sexual addiction and their journey to healing and renewal as a couple.  Two facts that stood out to me: one, he admitted to being a Christian in label only; he did not practice Christianity, and two, he had had this problem for years.

Years.

And no one knew about it.  Not even his wife.  And definitely not the Christian music industry.  I have a strong feeling his success would have been considerably less had his problem been known. 

After reading the book, my thoughts flashed back to a time when I listened to his genre of music.  I remember the sound of his voice and the conviction I heard as he sang words of faith and consecration to God.  I recall thinking, "This guy is a true Christian.  I can hear it in his voice." 

Years pass.  He finally admits he was a fake.  At the height of his popularity, he was only in the business for the success and notoriety.  (His immorality was wrong on its own account, but doesn't directly affect me.  His family, yes; me, no.)  I've never met Clay Crosse, but I still felt lied to.  As though he personally betrayed me.  Tried to trick me.  And I fell for it.  Conclusion: he's a jerk and I'm an idiot.

But, then, so were the thousands of others who liked his music.  We can't all be idiots. 

Again, we all make mistakes.  Some are spur of the moment or even accidental.  Some may last a day or week or month.   I get that.  We all screw-up, even as adults.  It's the YEARS part that bothers me. 

I am, as most are, quick to forgive mistakes that happen over a short amount of time.  Eventually, and with a whole lot of prayer, I'll forgive everyone.  But even then, for some reason, it just seems to take longer to really feel like I've forgiven those who've betrayed my trust for YEARS.  As though the 'longer' a mistake was, the deeper it cut.   The deeper it hurt.   The longer it will take to recover.

To those who have made (or are currently making) the 'long' mistakes, be patient with those on the receiving end.  We forgive you, but it still hurts.  And hurt takes time to heal.